Your Past Doesn’t Define You—Or Does It?
Your Past Writes Your Story—But Can You Rewrite It?
You are reading The Epiphany—a weekly-ish newsletter about chasing the *Right Goals* and *Living a life true to Yourself.* from the desk of Abd Sid.
Enjoy. xx
The Idea that —“your past doesn’t define you”
has been popularized by the internet gurus who should be hung upside down until they promise to not talk nonsense again.
If your life were a book, your past is your backstory, which is basically the character development arc—not the footnote to be ignored.
What happened to you in the past made you who you’ve become.
Your past is the very definition of you.
the good, the bad the ugly—all of it.
You can’t take all of your failures and shortcomings and stuff them into a box labeled “Unimportant” and throw it in the Pacific Ocean.
And then fantasize about a happily ever after.
Failure, Choices, and Illusions,
Gurus are half-right, I’ll admit.
If you fail an exam, you’re not destined to forever have “FAILURE” written on your forehead.
But that failure leaves a mark. It’s there in the way you study harder next time or in the way that subject scares you. To pretend it doesn’t matter is a lie.
And lies don’t lead to happily-ever-afters. Your past isn’t a ghost to be ghosted; they’re the board members shaping your decision and emotion and, dare I say it, identity.
Yet somewhere along the line, we’ve misinterpreted “Your past doesn’t define you” as “Your past doesn’t matter”, and so people ignore their mistakes. They lock them away. They chase fantasy futures. But the fantasies crumble.
Because their past isn’t gone—it’s waiting. Waiting to teach them again, the hard way, and the fantasies of a happily-ever-after remain just that—fantasies.
The Truth of Who You Are
Every experience, every choice, every mistake is a stitch in the fabric of your existence. What defines you today—your kindness, your caution, your ambition—are threads woven from past wins and failures alike.
Your actions are not bursts of free will; they are reflections of your past.
It’s in the cautious, overprotective partner, shaped by old wounds. It’s in the optimist, inspired by a friend’s lottery win, chasing a fleeting dream.
It’s where you were born. It’s in how you were raised. It’s in the people who loved you; it’s in the people who hurt you, shaped you—all of it molds the person staring back at you in the mirror.
And to deny this? To pretend that this intricate mosaic is irrelevant? That is to strip yourself of your humanity.
Own your scars—and not with shame.
The past can hurt, yes—but it can also be an unforgiving teacher.
So embrace your past, not to cry over bad choices but to recognize its influence, to wear it, to talk about it—not with shame—not with pride, but to own up to it and learn the lessons.
So that we can change with clarity and purpose, carrying the lessons from yesterday to build better days that follow.
Rafiki, the old and wise mandrill in The Lion King said it best with a well-timed smack on Simba’s head—
“The past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it or learn from it.”
The happiest ever-after doesn’t come from erasing who you were. It comes from shaping who you are, anchored in understanding where you’ve been.
Let the gurus shout their nonsense.
Let them promise what they can’t deliver.
You know the truth.
Your past isn’t your enemy— if you’re brave enough to face it.
Ok, I think, I’m gonna stop here…
I hope you had something to take away from this essay.
Last week I wrote on a similar theme, ‘why is it so hard to change’ about accepting your shadow self, and the idea of “accepting your past” was going to be a part of it. Only it made the essay much more confusing.
So for the sake of clarity, I figured it would be better if I just make it another separate essay, exploring the topic a bit further.
Your Friend,
Abd Sid. xx
30th May, 2024.
P.S — Nothing, I just love writing P.S, Sorry for the BS.
P.P.S— Ha! Made you laugh!!