Why is it so hard to change?
Why New Year, New Me Never Works.
You are reading The Epiphany—a weekly-ish newsletter about chasing the *Right Goals* and *Living a life true to Yourself.* from the desk of Abd Sid.
Enjoy. xx
We try to bury our demons, parts of ourselves that we don’t like to acknowledge—
Hoping they’ll stay out of sight.
We constantly try to leave them behind—with New Year's resolutions, online courses & workshops, and self-help books—only to cross paths with them again and again.
But in doing so, we trap ourselves, living in denial and running from the very parts of us that need the most attention.
In my case—
I portray myself as this Confident, Smart and most knowledgeable person in the room—
And most people buy it.
He has to be smart, right? They see the guy who loves chess, has a sharp memory, excels in problem-solving, and shines in creative tasks.
And to a certain extent all of that is true—
But that isn’t the whole picture.
My brain craves peace.
Peace, it hadn't known in years—not forever, but close enough. School, writing, business. A parade of could have been better grades, Open rates down, anxieties up. Worries up.
I’m drowning in guilt because all my life I have been dodging away from responsibilities, from doing the right thing at the right time.
But folks don’t know that. I never told them that.
I tell them when my writing goes viral but not about all the times they flop.
I tell them about nice comments but not about all the times I hear crickets. I tell them my dreams—.
“I want to be a writer and an entrepreneur.” I would say confidence oozing from each word.
Only if they knew.
“I want to travel the world”—And I do, but people don’t know how afraid I am of new places and thunderstorms because my inherent inability to protect myself if something goes wrong—
I have been bullied in the streets multiple times.
Robbed all of my money twice.
But people don’t know that.
We all feel this way, don’t we?
We all have our demons—the shadow self that we are too ashamed of, so we repress it and hide it. We wear masks to show other people that it’s all right.
That we are all right.
Normal.
All figured out.
We chose to express the parts of ourselves that we are proud of in the hope that it’ll hide and overshadow the parts of ourselves that we are ashamed of.
And this constant denial creates a rift—
a growing disconnect between the image we project and the truth we bury. It’s a fragile existence built on white lies we’ve repeated so many times.
We worry why our life isn’t like that; we compare our real selves to the projected self on a nicely curated Instagram timeline, an invisible expectation about what our lives should have been—what it could have been if we didn’t have our shadows.
So, we try to leave them behind, bury them, but every time they come back stronger and stronger.
That leaves us with the only solution—
Accept your demons—Accept yourselves with all your flaws and shortcomings and mistakes.
Life doesn’t have a delete button. What has happened—for better or worse—is part of your life now. Denying that will only lead to a self-destructive spiral, and you can’t grow that way.
It’s impossible to grow that way.
And—“What’s not growing is dying.”
New Year, New Me never works because it’s New Year but Old You with old habits, old experiences, and old misbeliefs, so it’s only logical that you’ll fall into old routines.
The only way out of that loop is to accept that there isn’t a way out. You must learn to live with it because if you try to suppress it, the result will be self-sabotage, and you’ll find yourself in utter darkness.
You can’t get rid of your shadow without also riding the light of your life. You have to accept it because your shadow is often the negative side effects of your best aspects.
You can’t have one without the other.
My constant anxiety about my grades and open rates is the other side of my obsession with getting everything right. My procrastination is the other side of perfectionism and obsession over quality. My desire for love and affection is the other side of my confidence.
I used to believe
Our lives are all works in progress. That we write our own stories but sometimes growth comes when we let go of some of the chapters.
But boy, could I have been more wrong!!!
Accepting your demons doesn’t mean—
Agreeing with demons but rather finding healthy ways to express them—through art, therapy, and journaling—and trying to find a way to leverage them to grow.
It’s about showing compassion to the part of yourself that needs it the most.
For your demons aren’t a parasite—they are in a symbiotic relationship with you; they give you something and take something in return.
And when you are so dependent on someone—depended for your best aspects—be willing to be kind to them
The performer whose stage fright pushes them to rehearse until perfection. Their fear, often seen as a curse, becomes the driving force behind brilliance. Should they despise the very nerves that bring their art to life?
NO.
Or the overthinker, overwhelmed by endless worries, yet blessed with the ability to plan and solve problems like no one else. Should they reject the mind that gives them such unparalleled precision?
NO.
And the people-pleaser, drained by the constant need to make others happy but deeply loved for their empathy and connection. Should they abandon the heart that makes them irreplaceable?
NO.
So maybe it’s time to ask ourselves: How do we live with our shadow?
Can we hide it? No.
Can we erase it? No.
Can we bury it? No.
We must face it.
We must embrace it.
We must understand it.
Because the shadow isn’t just darkness—it’s the other side of the light. And so, the question isn’t how we run from it, but how we grow with it.
Because what’s not growing is dying. Because what’s not accepted is denied. Because what’s denied eats away at us.
But when we accept our cracks, we find strength in them. When we embrace our shadows, we let light shine through.
And so, let me ask you again: How do we live with our shadow?
***
Your Friend,
Abd Sid
xoxo
📂From the archives.