Here's why you feel dead inside
We’re busy learning how to disappear politely.
Because they tell you this is how you should be. It’s not that we want to be fake. It’s that we were taught, over and over again, that our real self is a problem.
It starts early.
Smile. Obey. Don’t cry. Don’t talk back.
Good grades = good boy.
Silent suffering = “wow, such maturity.”
Politeness = morality.
And when you can’t, they call you a mess. A drama queen. Too too much. They might as well send you to therapy which they need as much as you do.
We learn quickly, love is conditional. Praise is compliance, approval must be earned, respect too and slowly but surely, this belief gets internalized—then carved in stone.
In Unconditional Parenting, Alfie Kohn writes,
“The way kids learn to feel about themselves is how we’ve treated them. If we make them feel they’re only good when they please us, they grow up thinking they’re not good enough on their own.”
We adapt again and again and never stop. Like human versions of Word documents constantly saving under
final_final_revised2_REALLYfinal.
We become whatever version of ourselves earns the most safety. We bring it to work. To dating. Into our parents' living rooms. All while wondering, I don’t know what, but something doesn’t feel right.
Nobody tells us what this actually costs.
They make self-betrayal sound noble.
“You’re so mature now.”
“You’ve grown so much.”
“You’re doing what’s right.”
Small ask: If this made you pause, think, or feel something, I’d love your help in getting it to the right people. A ❤️, a share, a restack—whatever feels right. And if you want more, subscribing is the best way to stay connected. Thank you!
But here’s what it really costs:
You stop trusting your gut. You don’t know if your yes means yes, or if it just means please don’t be mad at me.
You start attracting people who don’t actually like you, they like the version you’re acting out. Like someone falling in love with your LinkedIn bio. You always feel fake. Even in love.
You resent the people you’re trying to please. Because deep down, you know—they’re not loving you.
You burnout and get stressed because you feel behind, you feel like you aren’t where you think you should already be or where people think you are.
Research suggests—
What you suppress emotionally, your body expresses physically.
Chronic fatigue
Tension headaches
Digestive issues
Back and neck pain
Tightness in the chest (that isn’t medical)
Studies have found links between long-term emotional stress, poor emotion regulation, and these physical symptoms. It’s almost like the body’s trying to say what you won’t. Like it’s screaming the feelings you’ve shoved down for too long.
This is because your nervous system is locked in a permanent state of self-censorship. Fight or flight. Your body is stuck in survival mode. All the time. Well off course that can’t be good can it, it doesn’t even sound good in theory—
You become passive. You wait for permission to want things. You second guess your instincts, even for small decisions
“Should I wear this?”
“Is it okay to say that?”
“Does this sound stupid?”
This erodes self-confidence on a fundamental level and you get over reliant on other people opinion for your happiness. Eventually you’ve ignored your own desires long enough, you stop believing they matter.
You don’t even know what you want, because your life’s GPS is set to “whatever keeps the peace” and the route keeps changing based on who’s in the room.
Eventually you start coping by doing more of the thing that cause the damage. You numb the anxiety with busyness, perfectionism, drugs, or surface-level pleasure like porn, mindless scrolling, alcohol and sex with random people.
But all you are doing is, barely surviving hoping that things will someday get better, that you’ll once again feel alive. But to tell you the truth of it, you’re stuck.
You’ll likely be stuck till you die unless you try really hard not to, Because the art of not giving a fuck is not that subtle after all.
That’s all I have for you today, uh thanks for read all the way till here, I appreciate it, appreciate your time. Have a great week ahead.
—Abd Sid
10th July 2025.
P.S: check out my Instagram account for snippets from my personal life.
Citations, links & further readings…
[1] Rimes et al., 2016 — Emotional suppression worsens fatigue in chronic fatigue syndrome
[2] Koloski et al., 2012 — Gut-brain axis, stress, and digestive disorders like IBS
[3] Burns et al., 2008 — Anger suppression linked to back pain, muscle tension, and poor pain outcomes
[4] Alfie Kohn, Unconditional Parenting — Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason